Jesus walked around selling books to folks, turning water to wine for a hot meal and a lap dance, and then there's that dirty bum who pretended to be blind, and when Jesus paid him a never-ending fish-and-loaf-of-bread-combo, the blind man explained to the world, "I can see." So, Jesus, while being one of the saviors of modern mankind, was also the greatest con in the world. Greater than Milli Vanilli, Pop rocks, richard Nixon, Coke-a-Cola, and Rosie O'Donnell all rolled into one. Well, maybe Rosie trumps Jesus in stature. She's so damn nasty. Anyhoo, here I am to ponder why man is such a bundled lump of ass-hair, when the idea comes to me. The world being so nasty and inflated (much like a larger version of Rosie O'Donnell), I think taking Jesus and Hammarabi and Gandhi and Thoreau's logic about giving and eye for an eye should be extended. For instance, instead of waiting to be kicked in the groin while I use the manner's I was raised with by holding open a door for a lady, I shall kick her in her groin, then gently roll her through the door I open. And at work, when someone calls bitching and moaning about what a terrible service my department offers them (that they use so freely) I should sayeth this, "Hey-HEY. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you say another word, I will hunt you down using this crappy system's information about you and duct-tape you family to the kitchen pipes, then pour honey on they bodies and let three hungry monkeys into the house. then I'll set you up to watch, covered in mushed banana. Now will you let me do my job, or do I have to pay you a housecall?" Or, if an unruly midget co-worker drinks himself into a stuper the night before and mistakes letterman's for the voice of God (thus deeming himself, in his drunken state, the left-over genetics of Jesus) and name me Spunky- this Spunky co-worker would lash out at the unfair world, and I would tell him, "hey, chill out. Your life sucks. You can't do anything about it. Most people, they have a shot at change. You- you better just accept it and hope you find someone as unhappy as you to make each other miserable for the rest of your lives. then you will leave everyone else alone." Or, if on a date going badly, I'd say, "Listen, honnie- listen sweet-ass. I don't want any trouble, but I'm gonna throw this water on the front of your blouse because I'm going to pretend I'm mad. You'd have done it anyway. So I'll just role reverse, call you a dumb bitch (as I would have rightly been called an insensitive bastard) and storm away, pretending that I didn't even leave you stuck with the bill, as well as water all over yourself, as well as no chance for sex tonight. That will teach you, lady." Or I can just chew off my own arm like that guy that was too dumb to just wait and die while his arm was trapped under a boulder. Might as well chew through your own pecker. I refuse to believe that he could not have held out another hours or two until the rescue crew found him. And whatever happened to the strength of ten men when in trouble, about mother's lifting cars off their babies? What happens to miracles? We need jesus at card games, at GlobbTrotter pick-up games, at bikini model's refrigderators, doing everything in his poewr to make things appear one way, when they really are something else entirely. I sound cynical, I know, but I am serious. We need Jesus, or a Jesus-Knock-off David-Blaine-Wannabee to come and provoke, to astonish the world. We need more miracles. We doubt too much as a people. We want to look under each nut, to find the mode that tricks up, the reason why birds fly, the reason why an anglefish can change the shape and intensity of it fishing-lure light. We wonder, but too much wonder can infect our sense of mystery. We enjoy mystery out of others, the intangible that draws us to them. But in things and animals, we trying to dissect, over-analyze and cut up until our view of things is unrecognizable. We lose sight, but what's worse is we lose focus. Our vision is blurred and we struggle to focus on the importance out of life. We glance around, we wash our hands, we dry them, we shield our eyes from the sky and stay indoors most of the day. Where is the mystery in this? Mystery is there, and instead of being curious of all things around us, we must have answers, we must have answers until the questions are defeated. Until the questions are useless. So we lose ourselves and our childlike interrogations of the world. We are broken as a people, and most of those who resemble complete people, live a meager and quiet life. They are, for lack of a better word, the meek. And so, there are men like me, that will plunder and pillage before being myself, thus plund-ed and pill-ed, but I will one day not think so harshly on the laws of good men and on good men themselves. But mostly, I can't stand the way people treat one another. I want to stick a fork in their eye, as they have blurred my vision irrepairable, it seems. I want to do the same to all of them, the stupid people to stupid to know thta we all know so little. We all know nothing compared the the totality of knowledge as a complete and round concept. We know nothing of the whole knowledge of the world. We know nothing at all really, and for that- for thinking we are smarter than we are (and in turn, breaking the souls of plants and animals and mother earth and people worldwide)- God will make us all suffer. He will take the same weight of an eye we stole from him. And believe me, he will not be so kind as to use a fork. He'll probably use a tree branch, if I had to guess. I just hope the asshole go first, so I can watch. I'm done.