Sunday, July 10, 2005

Janie of the Southwest Parkway-Kroger Clan

She looks like a slightly less feminine, freckled face-Morgan Freeman (from Robin Hood: Prince of Theives) and speaks with a condecension I did not notice until yesterday. Let me begin from a point of coherency: I have a small delimma with Kroger's grocery store. It seems every times I go into the store (once a week for major shopping) I utilize the splendid price-saving strategum of the Kroger card. Since I don't carry it with me, and it is tied to my phone number, I tell them that. They type it in- oops, 'I'm surry sur, uh- maybe its on another nummer'. Nope- don't own a cell phone, only a home phone. 'Uh- I don't know wha tell ya . . .'. So I get slightly pissed and tell them to give me another application and the line behind me waits as I fill out another card. This has happed three times. And again yesterday.

Surprise was I, when I gave Janie my number and she said I must not have filled out the card. "Of course I did; I stood in line and handed it to the lady," I said. She preceeded to tell me THREE times I must have not sent it in. How many different ways can I explain that my mail carrier was THEM!? So I told her she usually doesn't give me problems, but today she's is really getting on my nerves and being very disrespectful. She was taken aback, I assume because I can articulately express my anger and dissappointment in the human experience from practice doing so. So then she told me one more time that I was wrong again. I told her to give me another form to fill out. Then she asked me why I didn't carry the card with me, explaining that there are keychain cards and a main card. I told her I didn't want to clutter my life with their crap. Again no reponse, so she told me I could leave my fingerprint on the machine. I laughed at the idea that I would leave yet another sign that I will die unknown, with every business and goverment agency tagged onto me, still sending me mail, via the knowledge they suck from me via my fingerprint. I told her, 'no way in hell.' This time she laughed, and I called her an idiot. I didn't, but I wanted to.

So life have a funny way of giving you lemonade and peeing on your face like R.Kelly did. Now Janie and I will soon be married, as I proposed in between the canned carrots and tollhouse semi-sweet chocolate. Actually, if by proposing I mean to say, "mailing a letter to the head of the Kroger Branch in Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, and her local regional manager" then yeah, I proposed. I haven't done this yet, but give me two weeks and let my anger fester. Better yet, let me go in again and have my ONLY phone number rejected one more time. Sounds like I have my evenings planned, doesn't it? Anyway, it really gets me when people can't extend simple human kindness. People sometimes ask me why I'm so grumpy. It could be one of two reasons: 1. You have made me grumpy and I am responding to your stupidity without blatantly throwing it in your face; or 2. I've just gotten back from Kroger's. If I am ever rich, I'll hire some crazy guys to blow up all the business buildings that mess with me. Crazy guys like doing that kind of stuff, and they usually get away with it. Because they're crazy.

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