Monday, August 15, 2005


Her hair might have smelled of lavender, or maybe turpentine. I never met her face to face. But she did barrade my email, my facebook posting. I answered a call from her at work. Her voice as young and giddy, restless and bored. A Pandora's Baby Blanket of odd smells waiting to expose their source. So she tells me she has no internet connection and I spend more than 30 minutes trouble shooting, when she asks me to call her. I tell her I don't mix work with personal stuff; that work is important to me. She says I can call her afterward. I say, no thanks. So she calls back, tells me (after we find no solution) that she let her ethernet cord unplugged. Silly, silly freshmen. It used to be (when I was new to A&M) that seniors took in freshmen, taught then how to live correctly. By that term 'correctly' I mean to say correctness is different for each person, but there are certain tenets of behavior a young person learns at A&M. Respect for life, respect for tradition and age. But now, after the fall and removal of bonfire, students don't know this. They walk, aimlessly with their head down, and when I make eye-contact, there are no eyes to meet my gaze. Let me be angry a moment: fuck them. Fuck them for not fighting for more from this campus. The Regents, the higher-ups are only doing their jobs. They struggle to keep what we've had, to create also a new environment for more diverse people on-campus, but they can't seem to find a decent medium between the two. SO here I am, voicing as best I can, the inadaquicies of the world I live in for the next year, for the past three. Sure, children grow, but here they grew well for the most part. Now, they just grow, like any other university and each tradition loses value as its participants lose personality. Right now, I'll say I don't care. To care is to have my heart broken each moment I walk on campus. So much so, I don't want to attend class. Hell, I don't want to anyways, but there used to be a reason. The commeraderie. The bousterous nature of the Aggie Spirit. Now, a dying flame. But this chica- I don't know her name because I don't remember her name and feel no emotion about the lapse- she takes the advice I give her as ciriticism, and then just end sup being mean. Calling me a tea sipper. Fine, call me whatever you want. I've been struggling to fight for the salvation of this damn University for three years now, and I'm done for the moment. Tomorrow I'll return to my mentality of salvation, but tonight I'll baste myself in teh shame of a freshman's poor attempt at a verbal abuse. Tea sipper I am tonight. Aimlessly fighting my school and my classmates, my patrons in education. I am the definition of a tea sipper tonight. I'm lost and pretending to know the way. I'm all flash and no substance. Tea sippers will cheers me as their new found friend and curse me behind my back. Aggies- the whole damn lot of them in school today- are sipping tea with me tonight. They don't know the meaning of the Spirit of an Aggie. Shit, this is depressing. So the truth can't be denied. Things are changing. Soon, I will have the mindset not to get down about it, to fight my way through doubt and self-doubt. I'll not fall to my knees and shake, as I do tonight. What a world. What a place this is; humans bending, breaking, shattering and others slow down to watch the ambulance and the police acting calm, desensitized and disingenuine. No, I don't want my old University back. I just want the Spirit to return in whatever form it should rightly take. And when the freshmen enter THAT world, they'll know to bad-mouth an upperclassman without just cause (calling them out on breaking Aggie code or conduct) is to slight the Spirit itself. Stupid freshmen, don't even know where the term tea-sip comes from. I'd sigh if I wanted to waste another breath. I'm already ashamed of what I've written thus far. I'm done.


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